Going to close down this blog for now

I am scared

Or maybe nervous is the better word. There are so many things that are going on in my head right now and they are overwhelming my brain. I seriously just have to sit and ask God to calm my head a little, it seems to work until my brain goes off to another tangent. If I am to be honest the biggest thing that I am scared of is that I won't "like" my boys. I have been praying against that and I know that God can and will soften my heart if it needs to be but I went through a period where I just didn't like Sarah, my oldest. Of course, at the time she was still a foster child and going through her own things but it is still something I worry about. At least now I know how to get to the other side. It is difficult for me to admit. I love my boys to death but I have not met them, I do not know their personalities. There are things that they will both come home with that I didn't teach them and will have to start from square one. I am up to the challenge but also nervous about it too. I am nervous about being a mom to 5 kids all of the sudden. I am nervous that I will do something wrong that will deter the boys from attatching properly. Oh, so many things. I have to keep reminding myself that God is bigger than it all and these boys were meant to be ours and a part of our family. Only 2 weeks and 5 days and we'll be on a plane to go get them, seems like a long time!

The countdown begins

Happy Birthday...

Today is Judah's 1st birthday. Bittersweet as it brings me closer to him and yet seems so far away. Only 7 more weeks till I am able to go get my 2 sweeties and I can hardly stand it! So, Happy Birthday Judah, Mama loves you!

Praise God!

Just a quick note to say how amazing God is! I knew that I shouldn't have been worried when the adoption was supposed to take longer than what we had been initially told. Well, yesterday we were told that passports are only going to be taking a month now and then we will travel within a month of that. Even better news than that is that a few minutes after that e-mail we got a phone call saying that the boys' adoption is final! So now we are the "official" parents of 5 children, what a blessing! I am on cloud nine today and can't wait to hop on that plane and go meet my babies; along with Randall, my sweet 14 year old Mother of Love son. Praying he still has a family to go to, can't seem to find out but we would adopt him in a heart beat if we could figure out what was going on. That's a whole other story of frustrations with the organization that runs his orphanage...  So happy today that Isaiah and Judah are ours! And Isaiah turned 4 yesterday, it was a great birthday present... for me. :)